Thursday, September 18, 2014


As the youngest Catholic daughter born in 1951, Barbie was the overlooked child, the kid who sought solace while surrounded by the sounds of nature. She was an unwed pregnant teen who was voted the most unlikely to contribute. She was the Stockton woman who lived in a solitary prison of shame for a childhood evil. She was the outcast who longed to be accepted ~ God heard her silent whimpering and His Holy Spirit compelled her twisted mind and encouraged her broken heart to seek refuge in a living God ~ NOT in the cold hard stone statue of Mary holding a slain Jesus, or in the crucified marble art of a dead Savior on a cross! In secret this abused youth at the age of seven hid in the bushes of the stained glass Cathedral. She obediently walked to attend mass as instructed by her pagan parents - but with the courage given by the Holy Spirit she slipped into the backdoor of a nearby Methodist church one Sunday and sat in the back pew. Her sincere heart wanting so desperately to find love and acceptance, to fit in where she was wanted ~ to be a branch in God's vineyard, not cut off, not tossed aside ~ she listened hard in a noisy world and heard a faint but certain voice! Almighty God affirmed in her young spirit that "God indeed loves these folks and you too!" At home her father was found out for the undoing of her innocence and he said to her "As far as I am concerned you are dead!" Thus began her journey to seek comfort in the TRUTH. She was pre-destined to find GOD and to learn His WAY of giving unlimited, undeserved favor to the lost! The Catholic mass was in Latin and the rituals were meaningless to her. But the message that JESUS SAVES gave her HOPE and the Holy Spirit engaged her heart in EXALTING GOD! With a GLAD heart over several years she answered four alter calls to be SAVED, HEALED and BAPTIZED! She had been baptized and got married to Jesus in her first holy communion in 1956 at a Catholic Cathedral. In 1985 at Christian Life Center she received the Holy Spirit and involuntarily started speaking in tounges. In 1990 she went forward at a Corpus Christi Church and in 1995 as a group leader for Celebrate Recovery at Santa Cruz Bible Church. God's mercy rained on her after many desert experiences, and in His perfect time, in His perfect way, and for His divine purpose, this woman's compassion for the lost led her to remain single minded, to deny men in order to focus her eyes, and to pour her soul over the living Word of God and become His beloved, sought after bride! After listening and watching her Spiritual mentors Billy Graham, Anne Graham Lotz and Beth Moore witness to her spirit, after many years of vacillating in and out of the lie "Iam not good enough" she accepted the gift of a "reigning ear" and His proposal of a holy marriage that will last eternally! Like a horse that responds to it's Masters voice, her "reigning ear" heard and responded to what the Spirit of God was whispering. GOD IS FAITHFUL, GOD IS FAITHFUL and JESUS is WORTHY to be praised for His gentle, consistent corrections that have steered her away from falling into deep pits that her enemy strategically placed to trap her in gloom. Satan tempted Jesus right after He was baptized, and each time she got baptized he was there to tempt, to prevent her from winning the race and claiming the victory crown that Jesus held out for her. Trusting in her heavenly Father's PLAN, she embraced His enduring GRACE as His PATIENCE was finally recognized and prized! The EXAMPLE of JESUS WAITING to be GLORIFIED in His Father's TIME jumped off the pages of scripture and into her heart! Father God, my good Shepherd, my Savior appears to a simple minded, uneducated girl. "Father the time has come, and is here now to bear much fruit." Over and over, He gives me an extreme makeover with grace, His voice whispers "come walk this way". A complete surrender of her ways, strong will, and stubborn resistance was necessary that she might see the GLORY of His plan for her. Before she accepted the gift of a "reigning ear" it was necessary for GOD to use an uncomfortable "bit" in her pugnacious mouth. Her resistance to "follow Him" was mostly because of her DEEP DESIRE to be accepted by her parents, her peers, and her DESIRE to be cherished by man. Her fractured mind, her lost soul, her battering thoughts, her crushed heart, her foolish ways, her selfish motives, her pride and her inclination to pity herself for being rejected for her faith in Jesus ~ was given a NEW SONG TO SING! After years of being easily deceived to believe that she was unwanted and incapable of truly loving God or anybody ~ the time had come and in 2009 her soul erupted, and her plans got interrupted with His plan to use her in Mexico! The dark cave of depression because of her repression of the truth ~ that the Holy Spirit dwells WITHIN ~ this LIGHT gave birth to a new REBORN child of God! Uplifted and restored by the LIGHT of TRUTH shouting within, today she KNOWS her Father and that JESUS SAVES! She gave her hope to marry a mere mortal and acquiesced to His plan with a song of praise! "I will shout, I will sing, Jesus You are my everything! You're my treasure, my inheritance! Iam rich, I am blessed in Your love and faithfulness. You're my friend and forever my inheritance! My name has been changed from sinner to saint ~ all because of You. Now You call me Your own, Now I know heaven in my home. All that You hold in store is all that I want O Lord!" Such hymns of worship melted her resistance! Surrender did she to lyrics of love, to the tempo of thunderous praise! Her ear atuned, her sins atoned, she listened for His Voice and complied to the Spirit's intention of conviction and confession. Her thirsty soul quenched by His rain with a FRESH review and desire to obey! She was willing to "walk this way" in AWE of all the Lord had endured on her behalf! Worship SET FREE her captive, caged heart! God DOES NOT look at Barbara's appearance of a strong independent woman, thankfully, my Lord Jesus looks at my open, transparent heart. This youngest forgotten daughter was chosen and predestined to be filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit. Today Barbara thrives as God's legally adopted princess! She is ENABLED to LOVE and WORSHIP JESUS with the very LOVE He lavishes on her! Hallelujah, HALLELUJAH! My Jesus, My Savior, My God I EXALT Thee with these posted words of truth about Your redeeming Love ~ The love of Jesus filled the hole in Barbara's thirsty soul and therefore, Barbara ceased looking to the world, to a man, or to anything outside of herself, to make her happy, or satisfy her longing to be loved. Barbara accepts the truth that she is complete in Christ, and by His eternal love. She TURNS to HIM to EXALT the King of Kings. Originally written in 2011, reposted 2014