Sunday, November 28, 2010


A portrait of HOPE fulfilled, found in the wisdom in a turkey's simple purpose! To surrender its life in order to provide sustaining strength to others. My HOPE was to host Thanks Giving in my new home and serve a meal that would bless the souls of all those who have touched my life. My son and his friend Caroline, Sue and David, and Doyle genuinely enjoyed the meal and the atmosphere was filled with God's loving presence. Admitting a recent disenchantment as I got not what I had hoped for on ~ my HOPE renewed as I felt His "well done" in this extra-ordinary moment of Thanksgiving! A picture of my HOPE in 1979 ~ My single soul, as promised has never been forsaken or rejected by God. My dream to re-marry never happened. People over the years have disappointed, abandoned, and rejected me and caused me to whimper and desire to become more acceptable to man. ALAS, an interior revolution occurred while questioning WHY God did not respond according to my requests. GOD is NOT my servant! In a manner quite unexpected, in the midst of one of my darkest days ~ when the sweetness of scriptural revelation was gone along with my will to love God and seek Him above all else! My soul was diseased by selfishness and discontent and the light of God and His love defeated my natural notions of Who God is. Ever wonder "Is this all there is"? ~ or "Why am I here"? When we are denied the expected pathway, or the life we have long HOPED for ~ for Barbara it has been to marry a man of God ~ Barb's 2010 Thanks Giving AHA is to praise God for His persistent denial, His sovereign witholding! At long last, like the turkey, I surrender my life that He can use it to fulfill His purpose. God's plan for me as a single woman, is that I remain faithful to Him in spite of not getting all my prayers answered. "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with not be afraid, Sue and Barbara, you have found favor with God. You will marry, then be widowed and remain single as the Lord's servant. The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will over-shadow you. Thank You Jesus, may it be unto us as You have said, blessed among people as single women. My soul praises the Lord and my spirit rejoices in Jesus my Savior, for He is mindful of the humble state of His servants. He has performed mighty deeds with His arm; He has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. God has helped His servants Barbara and Sue, He rescued them from the evil one and extended His mercy that they may serve Him, as His LIGHT shining on those living in darkness all the days of their life. Oh Lord guide our feet into the path of peace. (Be refreshed by LUKE 1:46-80) As we are hungry for more blessings, our Lord waits to commune with us. Our deepest level of satisfaction is not in a single meal, or bite of scripture. We are not fully satisfied when we are surrounded by family, or in communicating, talking with others ~ we are only deeply satisfied in our holy communion with our Father. Communion is wordless, timeless, tasteless and beyond speech and concept. We enter the AHA ~ not a new unity with God, but the ancient day of being One. While we wonder and hunger for more ~ we only imagine that we are NOT connected, NOT already One with the Peace, the Way, the Light of the world. Authentic communication is more than a sharing of ideas, knowledge or a formulated truth. Above and beyond the hearing of words, the reading of scripture ~ communion or being in the Presence, being infused by His Spirit is the experience, at the deepest level of knowing, that we are connected, we are One, we are close, we are His, we are loved and in communication with God. Jesus is the bridge that connects us to the Holy of Holiness. "God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:10 ~ It seemed as though I had made every human effort to live in peace, to be holy, to embrace the grace of God, to change my mind to that of Christ, in order to inherit God's blessing. I attended conferences, church and led women's groups in prayer - Thousands and thousands of angels in joyful assembly rejoiced as I sought the voice of God, vowing to not refuse Him who spoke 'Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.' The words 'once more' indicate the removing of what can be shaken ~ that is created things ~ so that what cannot be shaken may remain." Hebrews 12:26 ~ Today God overwhelms my senses to another great epiphany ~ that in all that man has created or become, there is nothing more important than the reality of God. The darkness, the challenge of my flesh and its desires shall remain as dark as ever ~ yet somehow my soul is illumined with the clarity of Christ Himself. At this moment, my soul enters a new world, a world of rich experience that transcends natural knowledge and what the world defines love to be. Realizing and accepting that all external sufferings and life's difficulties at times shall continue to multiply, however, today my soul's interior shall remain calm and simplified by His abiding Presence. My mind, heart, body and soul contains one thought, one love: Jesus Christ. This love, infused unto my soul by God, unifies all its powers and raises them up to the fire of His infused love. Lord help me to NOT forget Your blessed words of encouragement "My daughter, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those He loves ...endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as His son." ~ Personalized from Hebrew 12:5~ "Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and AWE, for our God is a consuming fire." Hebrew 12:28 ~ God responded to my souls's cry. On my Birthday 2010, my son returned to Christ and attended church! Bottom line, for me, my maturity in Christ is a process of elimination of all external distractions. My hunger for unity, for Love itself, finds me feeding on what the world has to offer. My human nature is impatient and self-serving, and God watches me take another detour while in transit towards Him. My desire for unity with another human distracts me from the only love that will outlast my yearning. Where I am, is where ever He is, and all I need to be is the being He created for His pleasure ~ and 'be' His as is. The powerful and mysterious ways of God are a marvel to navigate ~ to soul fully consider in the calm of a stilled floating pause, to be still, to be infused in an aware state of contemplate. Indeed the world is full of attractions to legitimate pleasures. My soul drifted out to see ~ and was washed ashore, illumined once again while waiting for a man of God to respond ~ All music, movies and scenic drives do nothing but cause a rebellion in my soul. Knowing that all these temporal things will surely pass away ~ that nothing compares to the Light and Love that dwells within me, that all the pleasures, riches and beauty of the world cannot satisfy the cry of my soul for more. His response to my angst was "From the moment you accepted Me into your heart, you received all of Me ~ there is no more than "ALL" available ~ all the wisdom and Love that will ever be has been deposited in FULL and merely waits for your full acceptance of how much you are loved, and of all that you have already been given." My joy and conviction grew immensely with this revelation of God Himself, within me. The peace that surpasses all understanding, for today, has consumed me. Halleluiah! Barbara

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